Midweek PMS Rant

Hormone induced rage-hell, it's a thing women go through!

I believe implicitly in the power of thought ‑ happy thoughts equal happy people and all that. But about once a month I have a crazy PMS day and everything snowballs. You know those days when you fall out of bed and then every event just escalates into a crap bag of, well, shit, right in front of you. I am the happiest person for 30 days and then BANG - and after my PMS day I go back to being sweet as pie.

I didn't fall out of bed this morning, my day just started with the pop of the first red pill in my blister pack. Thereafter I managed to slip on our parquet flooring, banging my head on the floor. Nothing makes me angrier than hitting my head!

On the way to work I was accosted by that bastard hobo who keeps inviting me to sit on his face. Usually he is just met by the sound of my window rolling up - but not today. Today I stuck my head out the window and yelled: "Thank you for offering me your ONLY possession, but if I wanted to fuck anyone it wouldn't be the man who shits behind Makro!" OK, look, I do feel guilty for that, but I’m really not a nice person when it comes to that time of the month.

I just keep getting bitchier and bitchier from there on. I start to have fights in my head with people, thinking of clever comebacks to say to things that they haven't ever said to me. This is when you start to realise just how crazy women are. Men get overwhelmed by hormones and just want to hump everything, but then they go back to their lives. Women cause irreparable damage when they go hormone nuts and kill people. As a woman I’m in the best position to tell you that I am retarded right now. I KNOW it is all in my head but these hormones take over. I also get forgetful. I don't know what I just did. I don't remember your name. I don't really even know why I am writing this (probably as a record of today's events, which will all be a blur by tomorrow’s pill). I left home without my shoes, forgot my lunch and left my handbag in the car once I got to the office.

It’s sad, boys don't understand that we cannot help going crazy, it just is what happens. Tomorrow I will take the poor hobo a couple of cans of beans and maybe a jacket. I should also probably meditate for an extra hour tonight just to get rid of the anger and maybe I should offer some kind of sacrifice to some God somewhere to get rid of all the negative karma I have produced today. But first I need to stuff my face full of anything that is deep fried and smothered in chocolate because the hormones are hungry!

This will be me tomorrow - happy and on top of the world...But probably still crazy!