Alex Sweet Charity: The Hilton Arts Festival

Sitting with Busi and Luli at The Hilton Arts Festival's cocktail party. Dear God - that hair!

Paul Zerdin and his puppets, He's got
it going on for someone who speaks
to himself!

I had been looking forward to The Hilton Arts Festival for a while so when I got the invite in the mail - so excited! Invite for Alexandra Sweet and partner it said...Partner oh gawd! I'm a single girl in the city. The only partner I have is my Blackberry and even that is letting me down. So I took my best friend Luli (an unfortunate nickname that stuck). Regrettably Luli had just come back from some national rowing competition, and as is customary for the KZN team, he had to bleach his hair white in order to spray the green logo onto the hair. I digress! The boy had yellow hair people! We were going to a fancy cocktail party at one of the fanciest schools in South Africa, Hilton College, and he was going to be arriving with canary yellow hair! But more importantly we were to start the evening with a comedy show by Paul Zerdin, an English comic ventriloquist who is renowned for picking on his audience. I made sure we did not sit in the first two rows.

Not suitable for wine.

So as soon as we arrived we headed to the bar near the main theatre. I ordered a wine and Luli a beer. So far everything was going smoothly. On our drive to Hilton we saw two warthog - a mommy and baby. That has to be a good luck sign. We also spotted a wild hare and a little Duiker grazing right near us at a stop sign... What is this - an African Safari or something gawd! So as I was saying everything was wonderful up until the bartender started to pour my very expensive wine into a plastic kiddie's mug thing. Who does that? So without thinking I said "You aren't going to pour that in there are you"? Everybody stopped and stared, the barman looked a bit uncomfortable but regained his composure, said, "Yes ma'am" and carried on pouring. So now I look like the snob of the evening, but honestly how do you enjoy a lovely merlot when it is served in what is usually used at a drinking fraternity after some football game? Even Luli said he would never drink beer out of that mug!

So even after carefully selecting our seats so that we did not experience a public mocking by Paul Zerdin, Luli fell victim to his criticism. Lu had managed to sit through half of the show before he announced that he needed the loo. He had been sitting terrified. If he got up he would face a public humiliation. If he did not, his fate it would be far worse. He waited until Paul's back was turned and made his escape... Not before Paul whipped around and said "Yea! Fuck off then"! Everyone in the audience turned and laughed as he ran up the stairs of the auditorium.

Spud writer John van de Ruit.
This is his money face.

After the show we were treated to a cocktail party where the festival was officially opened by John Van de Ruit. Strange as he is an old Michaelhouse boy (Hilton College's rival school). Not so strange when you find out that he is one of the Hilton Arts Fest's organisers soon to be son-in-law. Hmm...I guess he did write a few books and he does have a second movie coming out, but you should ask him, he can't stop talking about it...

By now you know that I love to eat. Imagine my face when I saw the Chinese buffet. We had yummy cheeses, delicious stir-fry and best of all, two awesome Sushi chefs at our beck and call. They were especially a tentative when I went up with my beautiful colleague and friend Busi. Together Busi and I destroyed all evidence that the Sushi ever existed at the party. Soon enough our table was covered in wine bottles, supplied by Tops at Spar, and our little party turned into an all-night-long bash. But it wasn't until home time that we really got to laugh...A colleague of mine was leaving the venue ahead of our convoy. All I heard was a bang- I just assumed that the man had driven too fast off the side walk, but as soon as I pulled up to his car I realised the hilarity of his situation. He had knocked over one of the school's very expensive lamp posts and was busy struggling to lift the gigantic lamp to its upright position. Didn't work. Needless to say, nobody helped him, we all just fell about laughing. He had to leave it on the ground.

We love sushi!

Three Little Pigs.
This is not what I imagined
as a child.

I came back the next day with my parents, and would you believe it - the lamp post was fixed. I guess that is the advantage of having money. Things get done. I dropped my parents off at the play: Three Little Pigs, a wonderful, gruesome political satire. We looked at some art and had some delicious lunch. After splitting up, we all met up for some tea. My dad came back to our table with a smirk on his face. When asked about his cheeky grin he recounted a tale so hilarious I simply must share. He was busy looking at a piece of art at a nearby art exhibition. When he stepped back to admire the painting in its entirety, he stepped into a woman behind him. Upon doing so he got such a fright that he farted. She laughed and ran away. He had to walk out of the exhibition with his head hung in shame. Hilarious!

Hilton Arts Festival the following morning

Whilst I was having tea with my parents I couldn't help but overhear the drag queen next to us. In his most extravagant voice I heard him say "He ran past me and - my God - I have never seen so much bleach in one man's hair since Justin Timberlake was still in NSYNC". I know he was talking about Luli because he had been flirting with him all night.