Madam Zingara; El Milagro

This waiter wished that he had never run away from home to join the circus.

Have you ever seen a clown? I grew up in the 90s. Ask any 90s kid what they fear the most and they will scream "CLOWNS" before collapsing in a heap of their own faecal matter and tears. I am the same, just the thought has sent me into a fit of shivers. I blame it on the 1990 Stephen King movie IT, the worst movie ever created. I can say with one-hundred percent confidence this movie has caused a public epidemic. So when I was greeted by a hideous clown at Madam Zinagra's, I nearly died!

I have tried to keep this horrifying image
small, I am so, so sorry if this ruins your life!
LOOK AWAY!

I have wanted to see a Madam Zingara show since I heard about it last year. To be honest the talk was a lot less about the show than about the signature dish; the chilli chocolate steak. I love Cirque du Soleil, I love chocolate and I love to eat. This is the perfect show for me. So when our department was offered free tickets to go, I snapped up the opportunity! Luckily the clown in the parking lot was the only one I saw that night - and I saw him only once (no doubt he was stabbed to death by a mob of angry twenty some-things).
The first thing I did was take a million photos. The tent is one of the last remaining old mirrored tents. Her name is Victoria and she is truly a sight to behold. Her surrounds look like what you would expect from any carnie - but classier. All of the guests were dressed up to a slightly adult theme which created the most amazing atmosphere.

This is us, just hanging out on a car...

Trying as she did, the girl couldn't wrap her tongue around that lolly! 

Whilst waiting for our show to begin we headed to one of the many bars for a tequila and a G&T, where we met a beautiful Mexican man (well he was from Durban, but dressed as a Mexican) and bought him a few shots- just as lubrication, he already had his shirt off! We spent a fortune - only to have a waiter bring us a tray of free cocktails!
For those who forgot to dress up there was Bijoux Boutique, which sold everything from feather boas to a strange banana penis which squirted out some kind of liquid on unsuspecting circus goers. But all in the name of fun. I couldn't wait for my boss to see it. Speaking of boss, the man was late. By the time Madam Zingara ushered us into our little booth he was still trudging around the parking lot.

Not your average boutique.

Eventually boss arrived, and so did our wonderful waitress. We all ordered the legendary steak and settled in with two bottles of dry white to enjoy the show. I just have to tell you that when our amuse bouche  came it was carried by a waiter...a Mexican man waiter. That bastard had been drinking our tequilas all night (which we had been trying to get him drunk on) and was now going to be serving our meals. Shiza!

Inside our Victoria, it is a cosy place...

This is what Victoria's insides look like. Take note of her velvety texture, her beautiful stained glass windows and mirrors. Her stage is central making her a supper theatre in the round. And that heart... I love hearts!

After some of the most spectacular performances, finally the moment I had been waiting for... my chilli chocolate steak arrived. And what a surprise it was...it had hair. My boss, after much inspection, picked up his potato hair ball and asked us "What does one do with this"? We all made a little pile of hair on a spare plate and dug into our main. I am not sure exactly what it was that I expected to taste. I expected an angel chorus - the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end... Do you know what it tasted like? That meal that I had waited two years to sample? It tasted like a very rare steak covered in chocolate sauce. This is what my guru Phuntsog has been telling me about, my earthly expectations were too high and I ended up with disappointment. I make a mental note to share this experience with my Buddhist class. Not that it was not good. It was OK. I just preferred the pasta.

Chilli Chocolate meh... Looks good though.

The sexy Mongolian Contortionist was on next. Much to the crowd's, or rather the men's, appreciation. There was a point where one could not tell her inside from her outside, her up from her down or her ass from her face. My stomach felt unsettled. I was not the only one. During the applause and fox whistles, my boss turned to me in horror and shrieked "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen"! As amazing as her abilities are, I am glad we ate in between the acts because I could barely keep that steak down. There were some amazing Russian strong men. They were my favourite act, and they finished the show off with a bang!

Ziggy the Mongolian Contortionist.

Russian strength act.

On our right the Mongolian Contortionist - nuff said. To our left the Russian Strongmen - note how their skimpy outfits reveal their talent. And below our very own South African act. Who doesn't love a slippery wet bath scene...I am told that those in the front were not as pleased! 

Christine loves a bath!

What an amazing show. I would definitely recommend it, and I will definitely be going again next year. The best part about the evening was being able to spend it with good friends. Oh and Hot Mr. C-  Yes I almost forgot this amazing, strange creature. I guess he is the resident clown - but I was not afraid of him. In fact I am quite tolerant of clowns now, especially this one.

Hot Mr. C and me.