RAMfest at Origin

Das Kapital, Jay Tweek and myself hanging around all the free alcohol. Nice people!

It has been a while since I last had sex. When I say a while, I mean that there are probably bats competing with the cobwebs in my vagina. Reason being, I think, is that I cannot be bothered to get a bikini wax. I don’t think it is pure laziness I just chalk it up to being very busy and a little bit lazy. So basically because I am so vain I turn down any sexual encounter because I am worried that my suitor will take one look at the monstrosity between my legs and flee. Or worse; that he will laugh at me.

I had a Robert Downey Junior moment on Saturday morning. Basically this actor gave up being a drug addict and decided to clean himself up when he went to Burger King after hitting up some Heroine. He said that when he bit into his burger it was so disgusting that it forced him to reassess his life.

I woke up extremely hung over at the Baltimore Hotel on North beach; lord only knows how I got there. As I took the elevator down from room 101 I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was limp, but bushy in the back as if I have been dragged through a shrub backwards. I looked down at last night’s clothes which were perfect for the nightclub, but were now a little bit trashy for the beautiful morning. My perfect makeup was smeared all over my face; in the traditional morning racoon–eyes look. As I used my hands to try to lessen the wasted look, I noticed my arms were covered in bruises. As the elevator door pinged open, I was revealed to the foyer. Taking two steps down, I noticed bruises on my thighs. One of which looked distinctly like a bite mark, there is also a cigarette burn very high up on the inside of my thigh.  As I left the building I noticed the street was full of dodgy characters. One of the working girls on the corner complemented me on my skirt as I jumped into the taxi. My first stop before home was a garage, so that I could get a nice comforting pepper-steak pie.

I have been given a wonderful talent. If I nurture it I will be rewarded with a wonderful, rich, full life. Last night I had the opportunity to make good on my gift. I was not allowed to get near Pendulum but I know I would have got a brilliant story if I tried harder. I would have been writing about this wonderful band now instead of writing about waking up the following morning. I don’t ever regret anything I do because I am blessed with a wonderful life. I will let this be my lesson. My pepper-steak pie was so disgusting. There was no reason for me to have to get hangover food on that morning. I should have been alert and alive and full of spirit, writing a wonderful story for the beginning of RAMfest.

Starting today I become a better, sober person. I will start with that bikini wax - it has been long overdue. There is no excuse for this kind of lazy living, the world is my oyster and I look forward to the beginning of a better SMOOTHER and cleaner life.

aaaaaand I'm drunk! Naughty Bad!

What I fail to mention in this long self discovery blah-blah is that I got to see Pendulum. OK it was only two members of the group and media were not allowed anywhere near them. But yup I was there. Best life!