The Colour Festival Durban

Sure looks colourful!

Saturday the 6th April saw the first Colour Festival to be held in Durban after recent success in Jo'burg and Cape Town. Now before everyone gets all up in arms and tells me that the Holi Fest has been around for decades ... I know. I said that this is the first, of many, Colour Festival's to hit Durban. The promoters of this event tout it as an electronic dance party which incorporates the coloured powders from the original Holi Festival in India combined with a "stellar line-up of local and international deejays". 

LEFT: Before Colour Fest
RIGHT: At Colour Fest.

Crowds.

Now forgive me for my negativity so early on, but I don’t recall any international DJ’s. However, I will give the organisers the benefit of the doubt because they were probably referring to the Cape Town and Jo’burg venues. The music was good and the general atmosphere was just incredible. I had so many people tell me that they absolutely loved the festival and they loved the concept. I think that it is really exciting for Durban to hold these kinds of events.

So what did I think? Not that it makes a difference, but here is my tale about this colourful event.

The queue at the entrance.

My friends and I got to the Wavehouse, Gateway at around 3 pm. On the way in I passed our official photographer for the newspaper who had earlier been so eager to do the event. He was leaving and had only two words for me ‘Sodom and Gomorrah’. Now when shit gets biblical you know that you are at the right kind of party.

Ronnie ends this video in an awkward way ...

I was so grateful for my media pass because the line for the entrance was crazy. Despite the thousands of people, it only really took ten minutes for my friends to enter the event. Once we got inside we traded our tickets for two packets of colour powder. This was when I got my first powder experience. What nobody told us - I guess because it is common sense - is that the stuff gets everywhere. My first dust cloud entered my mouth and nostrils. I was left coughing and spluttering - begging for mercy. Just as I took my second breath another cloud hit me. Thank god for my sunnies or I would have been blind as well.

You have to watch this ...

I was a bit annoyed with the powder packet people because they were not allowing people with R190 tickets to get any powder,  although their ticket stated they should get two packets each. Luckily my friends stood firm and insisted they get their powder. Forty minutes later we were off to the bar. Honestly I lost my shit. The problem with using the Wavehouse as a venue is that it actually does not have enough facilities. This is not just my opinion. There were not enough bar facilities and not nearly enough bathrooms. It took over an hour to get drinks at the bar. Not just because the bar was too small to serve the large crowd, but also because the bar kept running out of stock. We all just stood and waited for more stock to be brought in. Very sad. I had to be a snob and get us all drinks from VIP because it was the only properly run bar. 

Always with the mouth open -
No wonder I  am still coughing up purple.

As for the bathrooms, you know us girls and our bladders. After eventually buying our buckets we all needed to pee. Unfortunately for us we had to leave the Wavehouse and actually go into Gateway to use the bathroom. The whole of Colour Fest was doing the same because nobody wanted to wait in an hour-long queue. At one stage in the night my friend and I went to the men’s bathroom because we couldn’t wait any longer. Only to find ourselves ankle-deep in what we now know was urine. Desperate times... Also while I am on this tangent, the Colour fest website promised showers to rinse ourselves off ... I guess there was one in the heavily populated, unbearably overcrowded bathroom.

This is the only pic you will ever see of me on the loo.
As vulgar as it is, I think that it illustrates a point.

 I did have an amazing time despite all my whining. I think this is going to be a regular festival on Durban’s calendar and I will return. I love to dance and I loved getting colourful. Colour Fest Durban was over all too soon. But not our night...

Amy and I had got separated from our herd. So we decided to taxi back to Umhlanga, get some pizza, clean the powder from our nooks and crannies and head out to XS nightclub. We ended up sitting on the grass at Engen waiting for our taxi for ages – it seemed to be the common story for the night. So - and this is incredibly naughty of us, do not do this ever - we ended up asking some fellow Colour Fest revellers for a ride. Not the smartest thing I have ever done. Their car had a strange curtain up which separated the front of the car from the back. We told them we were going to Cotton Fields and as soon as they drove off we ran back to our hotel room at The Oysters.

I spent the rest of my night chatting to my good friend Jay Tweek as well as arguing with the owner of FITS about the article I wrote about him.

What an awesome weekend. I could not have had a better time if I tried. To everyone else who went to Colour Fest Durban, makeup remover is the only way to get that purple out of your pores ... it’s a pleasure!

The next morning we cured our hangovers with a Big Daddy beer at Hooters.

Splashy Fen 2013 - Part 2

Five minutes later I was face down in the brown ... At least I did not spill my tea.

This year’s Splashy Fen lived up to its name with a downpour starting on Friday night which cooled the Underberg Valley down after a scorching week of sunshine. The rain came back with a vengeance on Saturday night leaving me drenched, but it did not manage to dampen my spirits as I took to the various tents to stay dry, drink and listen to music.

This is the place where good clothes go to die.

After days of deliberation I had decided to travel down to Splashy fen on my own. I was really feeling good about this decision because I was going there to write so the fewer distractions the better. The night before I was to set off I got a message from my friend in Cape Town. He was on his way to Splashy and wanted to know if I wanted a ride. Considering that I am the world’s worst driver and have no sense of direction, I decided to change my independent woman attitude (to an extent) and become a co-driver. Anybody that drives from Cape Town to Splashy gets my company any day.

The beer tent became the host comedy
package on Sunday due to the rain
washing out the Splashy Fen Marquee. 

Unfortunately for my dear friend, we still ended up getting lost ... A good few times. I however call it divine intervention because by the time we eventually got there we had missed the torrential downpour.  My friend drove in his VW Caddy van – extra length, so we didn’t even have to pitch a tent. Once again I thank the stars because the rain meant that any actual camping - in a tent - would have sucked balls. Our ride had two mattresses in the back, two down duvets, blankets, pillows and all the comforts of home. Plus we were mobile so we could just pull up to the jol!

Besides the music -which was the reason I was at Splashy, my highlight for the weekend was spending the Saturday night downpour with one of my good friends in the beer tent. All I can tell you is that this man can drink. We started the night at the bar. He asked the bartender for a bottle of vodka and ten Red Bull’s. I know it is not good to judge, but if I were to guess, our bartender was about eighteen, she probably had never worked behind a bar and she was really out of her depth at this point in her life. Being the good girl she is, she asked her dad if it was OK. He said no. So my friend asked her if she could pour him thirty drinks instead. The look on her face made my night. We later bought a bottle of Jagermeister from her dad.

Some of our Easter entertainment.

Apart from the Easter eggs I got showered with on Sunday morning, I loved the ‘chill’ areas at this year’s festival. I spent hours in the smokers lounge, I don’t smoke, but it was fully equipped with couches, bean bags and the most amazing security man who kept fetching us tea and coffee. The Mobile Cafe saved my life, they sold over two thousand cups of warmth on Saturday alone and I swear most of them were sold to me. 

Food place ...

Aaand I am glad I didn't drive
my own car ...  

I have to thank so many people for my amazing weekend, you know who you are. But lets be honest, the music was amazing. Jay was charming, P.H.Fat broke me, Niskerone and Miki - Love, Veranda Panda, Paul Snodgrass killed and sharing Red Bull's with Phizicist -  the best.

And my yummy sponsored meals from Pasta Boys, I am sure that they know that I love them. Thank you Craig and Winton and that man from the Dominican Republic. I love you all.

I love Splashy

Splashy Fen 2013 - Part 1

I designed this page for The Weekend Witness 23/03/2013.

Ok so I guess I have to explain my absence from all social media sites … I feel like a naughty schoolchild waiting to be spanked and told “NAUGHTY”!

I have too much shit to get done before Splashy!

I know what you are thinking; “Quit your whining bitch”! Well fok julle, Splashy takes planning ok.

So if you are in the throes of depression because you don’t know what to expect then please enlarge the Splashy page which I designed for you. No really, I worked hard on it and I think my little colourful tents are inspired.

If you want to party with me then Join me at the Uber Cool Dance Valley:

For the second year running, Uber Cool Dance Valley hits Splashy Fen. Festival goers can enjoy KZN’s biggest, live music dance festival, celebrated over 5 days. This year you can expect to see over 50 DJ’s and electronic acts from around the country. Some of the highlights are P.H.Fat, Kid Robot & Phizicist, Niskerone ft Miki San, Veranda panda, Night Vision, Liver, Tommy Gun and many more.

If you were lucky enough to get a ticket, entrance allows you full access into the Uber Cool Dance Valley private camp site as well as access to all stage; the Day River stage, the Splashy Fen stages and the Electronic stage. There is also an afterhours Headphone disco, limited day passes are available at the gate for R30. Contact George at 073 274 8649 or ubercoolevents@gmail.com for more information.

I am super excited for P.H. Fat, Phizicist, Niskerone and Miki San and my new friend Jay Tweek. After that, friends, I plan on sitting back and having a drink.

Other things to look forward to at splashy this year are:

Smelly, dirty teenager who have just discovered drinking ...

Hipsters - many.

Mud children

And, of course, toilet bushes!

So pack your toothbrush, hand-sanitiser, an extra loo roll and some warm clothes.
I am super keen to meet all of you wonderful people at Splashy. Love you.

Skrillex The Mothership Tour

I know this is a late post because this event has come and gone, but the lease I can do is share some photies with you.
There is something so amazing about standing at the foot of a huge electronic stage with bass flowing through your body, pulsating through every fibre. The media rules were pretty strict at this event. No mono-pods, no flash, we could only be in the pit for the first 9 minutes (due to the pyrotechnics and the fact that we would get burned). But hell I didn't care. Not only did I get to see Skrillex, but I was lucky enough to see his mentor 12th Planet. Let me tell you, trying to take pictures without a flash when you have beats pumping through your body is crazy hard (and I am short), so forgive me please for these shots.

Here is the article page I did. For those of you unable to enlarge, I transcribed the article below, you know, in case you wanted to read it!

I wrote, photographed and designed this page for The Weekend Witness 9th March 2013.

AS soon as I stepped into the The Wavehouse arena that had been especially converted for The Mothership Tour, I knew I was about to witness something special.

The atmosphere was electric, with fans having come from all over KwaZulu-Natal to see the DJ who calls himself Skrillex perform for the first time on African soil.

To be a journalist is to be a voyeur; you have to separate yourself from the action in order to fully understand the spectacle. A journalist will be behind the pictures and behind the story; it is her job to expose the story in such a way as to transport the audience to the scene of the action, to entertain, to tell stories and to enlighten.

However, as I found myself among thousands of spectators on Sunday, I could not help but be swept up in all the excitement.

We were all there to witness one of the world’s leading electronic dance music pioneers in action. I could barely contain my excitement.

Not only would I get to hear him perform, but I would be among a few people to get close enough to see him perform.

There was much debate as to how much performing Skrillex would actually be doing on Sunday. The new generation of electronic DJs travel light. Often their instruments consist of no more than an Apple Mac and a thumb drive. Luckily, the South African audience was treated to a full hour-and-a-half performance involving a VJ (video jockey), pyrotechnics and Skrillex mixing and performing his own songs.

This year, Skrillex firmly cemented himself as a musical force to be reckoned with when he won three Grammys for best dance recording and best dance/electronic album for Bangarang, as well as best mixed recording for Promises.

Overall he is a six-time Grammy winner, which places him in the same category as Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Adele, The Police and The Eagles. More importantly, he has outdone other electronic Grammy winners such as The Chemical Brothers (four awards), Daft Punk and David Guetta (two awards each).

But where did this man come from? For many, Skrillex has become the name at the forefront of digital music, but very few of his fans know him by his name, Sonny Moore. This 25-year-old musician started his musical career in 2004, when he performed as the lead singer of the post-hardcore band From First to Last, with which he recorded two albums. After having undergone a vocal surgical procedure, Moore left the band in 2007 to pursue a solo career. He released the EP Gypsyhook in 2009 under the alias Twipz, and then planned to record the album Bells with producer Noah Shain. But this album was never made and Moore began performing under the name Skrillex.

He gained commercial success after releasing My Name is Skrillex and Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites for free download on his MySpace page in 2010. In November 2011, Skrillex was nominated for five Grammy Awards and won three.

Pivotal to his success is the fact that Skrillex, much like other artists in his field, produces his own work and releases it for free. In this way he is able to bypass piracy laws, allowing for a larger audience reach.

Just how far his musical reach stretches became all too clear as I stood among thousands of my peers who were chanting the name of this young Californian DJ who has changed the face of music.

“This is really crazy for me, man,” said Skrillex, accepting the first award in 2012.

“I made this song in my bedroom when I was living illegally in a warehouse in downtown LA.”

He went on to tweet: If I can win Grammys then that means all you yet to be seen bedroom geniuses will one day TAKEOVER THE WORLD!”

• alexandra.patrick@witness.co.za

The Table; pop-up food, wine, ceramics and music evening

My beautiful place setting, lit up by a Sarah Walters tea light. With Eskom having switched off our electricity, we were thrown into the most magnificent ambient light. So do forgive my dark artistic shots, they give atmosphere.   

Christopher Duigan, Pietermaritzburg’s most celebrated concert pianists, held a spontaneous collaborative ‘pop-up’ ceramic, food, wine and music evening at his home on Thursday night.

Our host Christopher Duigan seen here with Jackie Cameron of
Hartford House as well as master potter David Walters

Acclaimed baritone Njabulo Madlala, Penny Hatting,
owner of Traffords and Maxine Matthews, saxophonist. 

The idea behind the pop-up event, which Duigan called ‘The Table’, came from wanting to celebrate good food and wine with his friends. He decided to collaborate the food and wine evening with famous South African master potter David Walters. Walters was generous enough to provide all of the dinnerware for the event, as well as provide an impromptu exhibition of some of his work. Word quickly spread and Jane-Anne Hobbs, author of ‘Scrumptious’ and food blogger joined the celebration. Soon enough there were thirty guests joining in the soirée including winemakers, musicians, artists and organic farmers.

My favourite scene from the party. I love this quirky table dressing.  

Chef Kayla-Ann Osborn and Penny Hatting
were responsible for the lovely canepes. 

The idea of a pop-up party is a relatively modern one and has gained much popularity in Europe and North America. The idea is to host an event, such as a restaurant or exhibition, for one night only hence the name ‘pop-up’. South African audiences saw it on a large scale when fashion designer David Tlale hosted a pop up fashion show for the Jo’berg fashion week on the Mandela bridge. The host transforms an ordinary venue into a place of celebration or festivity.

I was treated to four courses of delicious meals and wine, as well as hearing Duigan perform with acclaimed saxophonist Maxine Matthews. But the biggest treat of all was getting to sit next to none other than South African-borne, London-based baritone Njabulo Madlala. Hearing him sing Thula made my eyes fill with tears.       

My favourite meal of the night, Duigan's 40 Clove Garlic Chicken - so yummy I had seconds.

The evening was a celebration of all things food with every with every meal being made lovingly from organic natural, tasty ingredients. The food and wine was superb, but best of all was sharing this wonderful evening with fantastic, interesting, local South Africans, who have a taste for the finer things in life.

ABOVE and BELOW: Neil Lowe and team, creating his wonderful
Exploding Bone Marrow and Smoked Cherry Ice Cream.

RAMfest at Origin

Das Kapital, Jay Tweek and myself hanging around all the free alcohol. Nice people!

It has been a while since I last had sex. When I say a while, I mean that there are probably bats competing with the cobwebs in my vagina. Reason being, I think, is that I cannot be bothered to get a bikini wax. I don’t think it is pure laziness I just chalk it up to being very busy and a little bit lazy. So basically because I am so vain I turn down any sexual encounter because I am worried that my suitor will take one look at the monstrosity between my legs and flee. Or worse; that he will laugh at me.

I had a Robert Downey Junior moment on Saturday morning. Basically this actor gave up being a drug addict and decided to clean himself up when he went to Burger King after hitting up some Heroine. He said that when he bit into his burger it was so disgusting that it forced him to reassess his life.

I woke up extremely hung over at the Baltimore Hotel on North beach; lord only knows how I got there. As I took the elevator down from room 101 I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was limp, but bushy in the back as if I have been dragged through a shrub backwards. I looked down at last night’s clothes which were perfect for the nightclub, but were now a little bit trashy for the beautiful morning. My perfect makeup was smeared all over my face; in the traditional morning racoon–eyes look. As I used my hands to try to lessen the wasted look, I noticed my arms were covered in bruises. As the elevator door pinged open, I was revealed to the foyer. Taking two steps down, I noticed bruises on my thighs. One of which looked distinctly like a bite mark, there is also a cigarette burn very high up on the inside of my thigh.  As I left the building I noticed the street was full of dodgy characters. One of the working girls on the corner complemented me on my skirt as I jumped into the taxi. My first stop before home was a garage, so that I could get a nice comforting pepper-steak pie.

I have been given a wonderful talent. If I nurture it I will be rewarded with a wonderful, rich, full life. Last night I had the opportunity to make good on my gift. I was not allowed to get near Pendulum but I know I would have got a brilliant story if I tried harder. I would have been writing about this wonderful band now instead of writing about waking up the following morning. I don’t ever regret anything I do because I am blessed with a wonderful life. I will let this be my lesson. My pepper-steak pie was so disgusting. There was no reason for me to have to get hangover food on that morning. I should have been alert and alive and full of spirit, writing a wonderful story for the beginning of RAMfest.

Starting today I become a better, sober person. I will start with that bikini wax - it has been long overdue. There is no excuse for this kind of lazy living, the world is my oyster and I look forward to the beginning of a better SMOOTHER and cleaner life.

aaaaaand I'm drunk! Naughty Bad!

What I fail to mention in this long self discovery blah-blah is that I got to see Pendulum. OK it was only two members of the group and media were not allowed anywhere near them. But yup I was there. Best life!

Fun In the Sun

Many apologies for this late post, there are good reasons I promise! Please keep a look out for my Skrillex post this week.

Mainstay tent and a Mojito ...

My friends and I had been very excited to go to this event for a while. I thought it would make a great weekend special for the newspaper and I had some ideas about featuring it in an article before the event as well as a follow up afterwards. Unfortunately I had a really hard time getting hold of the organisers.

 To be fair I did not try get hold of the owner, which I probably should have done. My problems started months before the event. I e-mailed one of the FITS organisers for media accreditation so that I could cover the event. I got a reply almost immediately (I was offering free publicity after all) asking for my details – all standard procedure. I filled out an accreditation form that day aaaaaaand ... nothing! For months I got no response. I sent several e-mails, made many phone calls and still no reply – until two days before the event! I got an e-mail asking me if I would like to cover the event. So that was when I got to be a snooty, stuck-up journalist. I wrote back: “Due to the untimely nature of your reply, media24 will not be covering this event.” BIGGEST POWER TRIP EVER! Plus at that stage I had already organised a ticket and decided not to work but to relax and have some fun.

My friend and I drove in convoy following some male friends of ours who, in turn, had invited some friends of theirs along. I am still not sure who these interlopers were, but what I do know is that we spent most of the drive trying to lose them. To no avail.

I was thrilled to be asked for my ID at the gate. At 25 this does not happen very often. My thrill soon turned to panic as my bags were searched and my stash of vitamins, Omega tablets, headache pills, sleeping tablets, antihistamines and some other energy tablets were discovered. The guard just kept saying “oooh sisi” and “ ooooh eh eh” with a smug grin on her face, but as soon as I said she could keep them her smile vanished and she let us go.

We stole our neighbours glasses and instantly became more intelligent

By this time the interlopers had caught up with us and there was nothing to do but set up camp near them. Actually the strangers weren’t too bad. Two of the girls were actually quite nice. I realised though that we had nothing in common when they asked me what school I went to. Looking around I realised that apart from a handful of us grownups at the festival, and of course the drug dealers parked nearby (so much for the drug search), most of these kids were, well, kids.

And then I saw it, one of our new ‘buddies’ hopped out of the car ... wait let me paint you a picture.  We were surrounded by gym bunnies. Everyone was tanned, gorgeous and juiced up. When out of the interlopers’ car jumps this man: tall, skinny legs, but really round at the same time. If he was a woman I would say that he was ‘apple shaped’. He was really tall and skinny with a boep. He had on silky pants, ankle socks and basketball shoes. There was the absence of a shirt and ... his hair was just literally his crowning glory. This man had the most hideous orange mullet. Seriously short around the sides and base of the neck, longish curly fringe and normal -length on his crown completed with a long ratty tail at the back! It is not appropriate for me to judge, but I could not help but stare. In fact he completely killed the conversation. We all just looked at him – mouths hanging open for at least a minute whilst we absorbed this creature. Astonishingly he seemed to be unaware of his appearance and announced his name in the thickest Afrikaans accent you have ever heard. Koos I think it was, he slurred a bit as he said he was from thprings (Springs). Ah, that explained everything. We could now move on with our lives.

Actually I admire Koos, he is a true individual and at the end of the day, quite a funny guy.

Beach dam, best part of Fun in the Sun.

We managed to find a nice spot in the Mainstay tent, almost untouched by all the children; it seemed to house all the adults of the festival. Mainstay had brought in beach sand and bean bags and recreated a beautiful beach bar at the edge of the murky Hazelmere dam. There we stayed for most of the festival.

The music was good and the crowd seemed to be really enjoying themselves.

I think my concerns lie with the food. I am governed by my stomach. The food was so shit I actually would rather have not eaten. There was the usual looking lean-to which sold worse rolls and hamburgers, you know the kind. But the meat smelled like fish, the bread was stale and please tell me, how do you fuck up a bag of chips?  My friend woke up in the morning with the worst hangover of his life and he still did not want to eat the food.

White gold.

Furthermore: toilet paper. I am a woman so I always bring my own, but you know how boys are. They can’t enjoy any event or any location before they have taken a massive dump at said location; I guess it is a kind of primordial marking of territory or something. My friend partook in this ritual but when he was done, no TP! (Silly boy should have looked first.) To make matters worse he was not able to flush and the next person to use the loo was a prominent client of his who had to shake his hand and then enter the abomination!

I realise at an event where there are thousands of people there are going to be disgusting toilets. I can live with that. But basic ablution facilities are a right.

Picture perfect ...

Ok complaining over. Apart from the fact that I did not get the story I wanted I actually had fun and I got to spend a work-free weekend with my friends. All in all, not a bad way to spend the weekend – I will probably go to the next FITS in September. Hopefully I can write a story for the event then. Love you.

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