Durban July

Look at me sandwiched between two blonde's!

My friend commented that this year's Durban July theme is the same as it has always been: C U Next Tuesday (except that he used the acronym)! Looking around the crowd I most certainly agree, isn't it just wonderful! The first time I went to this event I saw the most beautiful woman. It was 2007, when the Boho - chic look was all the rage. She wore a sheer - white - chiffon Gypsy top as a dress, and absolutely nothing else but a white thong underneath. It was glorious! So this year I decided to honour her by wearing a sheer - blue chiffon top with nothing underneath. Not quite as daring, but it was my homage to the woman that left such an imprint on me.



For those of you who have not experienced it yet, The Vodacom Durban July handicap is South Africa's largest annual thoroughbred horse race held on the first Saturday of July since 1897, at the Greyville Racecourse in Durban. Basically, it is an excuse for people to parade around in fabulous clothes, socialise and drink. And for the high rollers to bet on horses. This year's main race was for a cool 3 Million Rand, won by Pomodoro, and ridden by Piere 'Striker' Strydom.One thing that you absolutely must experience is the race commentators during the main race. It is an absolute hilarity the way they commentate in the traditional manner of speaking at an absolute pace, but then dragging the last syllable of every sentence in a way that sounds as if they have a blocked nose. This year was particularly funny because the two horses: Pomodoro and Smanjemanje were neck and neck on the final straight. Block your nose and say Smanjemanje!  

Neck and neck is Pomodoro and Smanjemanjeeeeeeeeeee

I took full advantage of my position in the media, having received free entrance, free picnic site, free entry into the G&G Marquee and some sort of "VIP" entry into one of the local nightclubs. (I think they just call it VIP so it sounds posh, when it's really just a scam to get more girls into the club - I was not fooled). It all sounds rather glam, but the truth is that all the free booze meant that I was unable to fully appreciate all these gifts. I had not learned from the past and was found drinking in the sun. By the time it got dark I had no intention of going anywhere. I ended up at the G&G Marquee with one of my girls, drunk, and trying to fit in with our posh counterparts, (you know, the ones that actually paid R980 for their tickets). I do believe they saw right through more than my blouse.

Many names thrown away at the G&G Marquee 

We had landed right there in the mother ship of ZAlebs. Mingling with 2000 guests, we were bound to bump into a few familiar faces; Gareth Cliff,  Roger Goode, DJ Fresh, ChinoSky, Veranda Panda, DJ Blair, Sp!ndoctor and company were there to entertain. Scandal of the night  (for me any-ways) was Lyndall Jarvis and South Africa's number one surfer, Jordy Smith looking all cosy on the couches next to us. Forgive me friends, but what happened to the fiancée Denton Blomquist? And the fiancée before that? Don't get me wrong - I love surfers, but that Denton was a peach!  

Gareth Cliff - apparently bi now - certainly knows how to
work that mike like a little bitch...I mean that in a fellatio kinda way!

Boring...

I dated Denton's cousin Ed -
Just have to brag!  

How do you  go from


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I learned many lessons that night. 
First: Do not wear heels to the July, I do it every year and I regret it every year. If you must, make sure that you stand properly - like a lady because there are cameras everywhere. You put yourself in that situation - deal with it baby!
Second: Yes, you look hot in that prostitute skirt, but take a jacket. You will look very unglamorous when you are shivering like a scared, wet rat because the wind has picked up and the sun has gone down in the middle of July.
Third: Do not make friends with the Aussies you made out with the night before. Once you sober up you will realise that they have been yelling "She's only with me for the passport" the entire day. 
Forth: Do not order the Debonairs Tikka Chicken, it's damn hot! And never, never order it when drunk, that hot sauce will end up everywhere, in your eyes, nose, ears...not pleasant! And wash your hands before going to the loo, I said BEFORE!
Fifth: Friends, do not get into the first taxi you see, it is cheap for a reason.


While I did not go to the Durban July for the horse racing, there was one race that I really paid attention to; The Thirteenth race. You know... the one at the end where the men folk take all their clothes off and do the hundred meter dash down the straight. Excellent...

Please bring back the horses!