Top Gear, Big money Ching Ching

Jeremy Clarkson's electric car Geoff from S14 E2.

Ahhhh, old money, so classy, can you smell it?

There is a difference between old money and new money. Old money dictates that one should never talk about how much money one has. Old money does not need to dress in bling, its fashion is understated - glamorous but understated. You see, Old money does not need to advertise its wealth because everybody already knows how filthy rich it is. It is OK, for example, for Old money to have a house full of tatty ragged carpets, those, my dear, are silk Isfahan rugs from central Persia, circa 1600 dontcha know! "Yes that horrid one there was given to me by my great aunt Winifred, and I simply cannot get rid of it" Old money says.

New money, on the other hand, does not know the meaning of the word: understated. New money is only satisfied with a carpet if it is sparkling - solid gold with real diamonds and rubies, and even then it is only happy if the carpet is on the latest episode of Cribs. New money rubs its fortune in every bodies face, exclaiming loudly "twenty million for a dog bowl - such a steal, I'll have two"!

New money... Is it necessary to have a TV in your trunk?
No, but my neighbour doesn't have one so I win! 

Nothing screams new money like a pimped out car, and at this year's Top Gear Festival in Durban one could not help but be deafened by the screams! Yes friends, I was there. And it was wonderful! I am a huge fan so I could not pass up the opportunity to see my beloved Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond. My colleges were equally thrilled because it meant that I could finally give an answer to the question: Is Richard - The Hamster- Hammond really that small? Yes, yes the answer is yes, the man is short! 

Here he is inside his new pink sports car!

 The eThekwini Metro and provincial government has set aside R31 million to host this festival over the next three years, and I would say that this is money well spent. The Moses Mabhida Stadium, Peoples Park and Street Circuit were used to host Top Gear's biggest live event in front of their largest audience to date. There were so many sexy cars and bottles of champers; I had to keep my eye out for my future husband. I actually had a hard time keeping my eyes on anything other than alcohol and it turns out that it is a very bad idea to drink in the sun. 

Look at this beauty! I heard several women complaining that they would have to  slide away from her.
Looking under foot I did notice that the ground had become a bit slippery!

By the time I got into the stadium to watch the main show I was positively fooked! Do not despair, I soon sobered up when the beloved trio entered the stadium. 
I saw chariots made of Vespa's, I saw car football, a man doing flips over sports cars, car skittles and of course the new Top Gear trick on every bodies lips... The Deadly 720 Loop, a world first. 
These stunts were amazing and you can watch them in your own time on Youtube. 

Kie Willis does a side flip

But I need to show you a specific incident which took place at this festival in order to demonstrate what happens when new money enters into a space which is traditionally reserved for old money. (Be advised, this video is not suitable for a sensitive audience, it is in fact very disturbing! You have been warned).

This behaviour is typical of new money. You see, no matter how rich you have become, there will always be that element of your personality which is better suited to its old lifestyle… in the trailer park. The truth is that a Hood Rat will always be a Hood Rat, even if you paid lots of money for a car show.