Christmas Concert at The City Hall

The City Hall in all its splendor

Christmas Carols. Yes I said it. I went to a Christmas Carol evening, but it was sponsored by our company so really I was at a work function, lets call it a work function!

I hate Christmas...

I am the Grinch. I absolutely hate Christmas. I hate the tacky décor. I hate that we pretend there is snow when we live in the Southern hemisphere. I hate that you have to get all anxious about your presents and have to pretend to be happy when you are given grey panties. Most of all I hate that there are people who are too poor to celebrate Christmas and this puts me in the worst mood around December. AND THE SHITTY CAROLS! I hate Jingle Bells, I hate Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and I absolutely cannot stand that awful abortion that is The Little Drummer Boy! Mince pies yuck! Those Christmas cakes that are one hundred years old and filled with brandy- not edible and that pudding with money in it... How does one get excited about a cake filled with five cent pieces that inevitably shatter your teeth - and the pudding is shit anyway! You see what I mean? I really hate Christmas.

I love this man! I love anybody
that brings me food!

There I was in my Sunday best off to The City Hall to watch a Christmas Carol evening, I took Luli just so I wouldn't have to suffer alone. I was already in a bad mood - it being Christmas and all. The skies were pouring and my windscreen wipers decided not to work. So we drove in the storm, Luli with his arm out the window manually operating the windscreen wiper and myself laughing hysterically.
When we got to the City Hall I was greeted by a man I could only assume was a colleague.  We chatted as we walked but I could not introduce him to Luli because I really did not know his name. I felt so terrible because here this man was, being all sweet and I had not a clue who he was. As soon as we entered the hall he was met by his family and what a relief... he thought I was his daughter and Luli was my husband (how does one forget what their own child looks like)! Thank God I could blame it all on him!

Partying at the City Hall balcony... awww!

I loved the show! I really expected to be bored out of my mind but Singing those carols really made it fun. Now don't get me wrong, I still hate Christmas, but any evening that encompasses a sing-along and a lot of wine really makes a great evening out. I am sitting here hoarse with a hangover and I have such fond memories of the beautiful City Hall with its organ and disco lights. Oh and it is such fun to sing: Gloooooo hooooo hoooo hooo hooooo (breath) hoooo hooooria 

"I fucking love Christmas!"

The highlight of the evening has to be when the jazz singer Natalie Rungan finished a Maria Carey Christmas song and a really old granny squawked "NO MORE"! Natalie was all taken aback and a little hurt, but the granny's family quickly covered up for her and yelled: "SHE SAID ENCORE"! Ya right...
The worst thing that happened; Local singer Ruby Gill played The Little Drummer Boy - TWICE Fuuuuck seriously twice, my worst carol... with her brother actually playing the drums.



I asked some my colleagues what their worst Christmas gift was (they all asked to remain anonymous), here are their responses:

"It was this belt...the most hideous belt you have ever seen. It was bejewelled,  huge and blingy.  If you had taken the time to get to know me you would never have bought it."

"I once got a bicycle pump...I don't own a bicycle."

"I think the worst gift was a hot dog warmer...there is a steel pipe where the roll does and a metal cage for the sausages."

"Oh ya - Nothing... Not a single gift was the worst gift of all."

"I once got a little thing that you stick your hand in when you have painted your nails and it blows on them... a nail polish dryer."

"Tupperware - it was from the latest range I was told."

"Last year I received umbrella covers. They are like plastic tubes that you put over your closed umbrella." 

The fucks going on here?

I suddenly remembered the worst gift I had ever received; it was an avo with two drawn-on eyes! I was busy recounting this tale with much hilarity when I suddenly remembered that this was actually a gift that I had given someone! To that person (I think it was Megan Legan) I am so sorry... But serves you right for loving Christmas!

Here are my top Christmas hates:

1. Spending money on other people.

 2. Boney M Christmas CD -    Especially that Drummer Boy crap!

 3. Turducken! Who stuffs a duck which is obviously pregnant with a chicken into a turkey? Who does this? And here we have our G list ZAleb Nataniel pretending he is actually going to cook this Frankenstein!

4. The mall at Christmas (in fact I hate a crowded mall at any time of year). 
5. And also why do we put fake snow and Santa in his winter kit when we live in the Southern Hemisphere!WHY!

6. That bastard neighbour who trashes your street-cred with his tacky night time graffiti.









7. Christmas lights. Is it their sneaky plan to get all tangled? I always pack mine away nicely - it is as if they spend all year deliberately tangling and knotting themselves just so that they can laugh at you when you spend days trying to put them up!

This is probably on their
wish list too.

8. This intellectual fecal matter has actually made the New York Times best selling Paperback Trade Fiction of 2012, which means that there are many horny housewives who have added it to their wishlist.

I was lucky enough to get a pic of the actual Santa here.

9. You can't even enjoy the food because there is too much of it. You end up bloated on the couch all sad because that Christmas chocolate looks so yummy and you just can't fit it in!

10. Zwarte Piet, the Dutch equivalent of Santa's little helpers. What kind of Racist Bullshit is this!

I hate Christmas but I love you! Here's wishing you all the most merry Christmas filled with love and family and cheer and chocolate - And alcohol - plenty of alcohol. Love you!

Yes Santa take it all bitch!