Meat Pie

Have you ever had one of those days...When you wake up to find yourself  in a different home feeling a little  groggy... So you take a walk to the kitchen to have a drink of water, and are immediately confronted by the sight of a very exotic looking American gentleman doing naked yoga?...No!..Well this happened to me on Saturday morning. Let me start at the beginning...

Like most wonderful nights it all started with a drink... A drink at Three O' clock in the afternoon at the office. With the Editor being called away, our Deputy stepped up to the plate, declaring Friday "Phuza Friday", which in South Africa translates to "Drink Friday", but what it actually means is to get drunk on Fridays.
And so a plan was hatched. After work I made my way to Durban for an unusual "free entry night"  at a new club called Live The Venue on Stanford Hill Road. It definitely was worth the long queue (which I of course ignored and went to the front of ). The vibe was amazing and all my wonderful friends were there. But my night really kicked up a gear upon the arrival of one we shall name "The American", with all his American friends in tow. I realise that everyone that knows me just gave an audible gasp, but I have changed my ways. I no longer despise the American race, I love them! All thanks to "The American"! Now I could go on about what a delicious specimen he is, but I don't have enough words, so you can just trust that he is quite a delight.
But I digress. At around three in the morning all lights are turned on and a sweeper man sweeps us all out the door. This is where it gets interesting. I end up in a twin cab surrounded by Americans, with the exception of the strange South American/ South African who chose to sit in the back. South American/ South African instructs us to pull over at a dodgy BP and vanishes, apparently he is off to purchase a "meat pie"! Friends... What the hell is a meat pie? I always thought a meat pie was a woman's vagina! Apparently in America one must first establish what sort of pie one is talking about. To me this is like saying a "canine dog" or a "motor car", of course the dog is a canine and naturally the car has a motor. So I end up laughing hysterically, no noise coming out, clapping like a retarded seal. Not a proud moment for South African.
We go back to The Americans' home and make happy. Just as I am falling deeper in love with America, I get passed a drink that I have noticed doing the rounds at this gathering. Quite yummy so I take a large gulp. They call it "The Red Devil", I have no idea what it was but it put me in a very happy place. I resolve to look it up in the morning so that I may sample this deliciousness again.



The Red Devil

I open my weary eyes to the sound of happy American banter, The American (the one and only), next to me is still snoring so i tiptoe to the kitchen...and there he is! In all his splendour! I have never seen such a big man in all my life! I am sure such a wonder was not present at the previous nights gathering. This exotic man shook my hand and continued into the "Downward Facing Dog" position. Now I dont usually blush but...
To end my amazing night I got dropped off back at my friend Wendy's house, and just for my sins I got served a warm American meat pie.



I love America